她在屋裡散步

Atsushi Sakurai - Neko

貓敦是貓控。

據說，有時穿著沾了貓毛的衣服上台唱歌；據說，有時他抓握麥克風的手會出現貓抓遺痕。對我來說，這首歌有自貓眼看盡人間的愛、悲憫與坦然，因此，第一次翻影片聽到它時，眼淚差點掉下來。愛與死，永遠是高度奪目主題，日翻英的歌詞是這樣的：

Even though I say "good morning", you're still asleep

What are you dreaming of?

Let me say thank you, even though this is a bad time

It's a gray, rainy morning

What is love?

Love is you

You...

My words

Just make me sound stupid

Everyone, everyone is just crying, aren't they

Everyone, everyone can smile, I think

Even if I say "good night", I'll be able to meet you again tomorrow, right?

Dream pleasant dreams

Let me say thank you, I have to do it now

There is no rain that never ends

What is love?

Love is you

You...

Us, yes

We're love, aren't we

Everyone, everyone needs to be happy

Everyone, everyone; to be born is to die

A cat gazes

With glass pupils

Innocently purring

Crying...

Everyone, everyone is just crying, aren't they

Everyone, everyone can smile, I think

Everyone, everyone needs to be happy

Everyone, everyone; to be born is to die-until then...

我的愛貓與影片中的貓有著相似的長相，但她去年夏天辭世了。長達近十三年的朝夕相處，我的哀傷很難整理，只能徹夜不眠，腫著金魚眼，為她寫紀念文、為她用生澀技巧製作紀念影片，看著她的照片微笑落淚。

最後的那一天，她與家中另外三隻貓告別。剛開始的日子，少了她幾乎很難適應，對著她的貓碗發呆，不斷回想過程，不斷自責愧疚，不斷哭哭笑笑，終究還沒能走到完全歡喜生死的境地。儘管她曾經入夢來，在我的臂彎中由貓身變成了小女孩。

貓的壽命比人短暫，這意味著，未來，我會像之前那樣，送別家中三隻貓。

生離死別，終究遭逢。這一課讓我重新思索「愛」與「被愛」的意義，以及「擁有」與「放手」的界線。對於貓奴來說，最難的不是如何去擁有一份愛，而是顫抖著雙手，勇敢地將愛釋放天堂，令其安息，使其自由。人與人之間，萬緣聚散，何嘗不是如此？

我們親眼看著花火閃亮整個夜空，片刻歡欣暈眩，謂其幸福，隨之，迎接反差後感覺更深沈、又比湖水還要冷的黑夜，但終將要試著給破曉天空一抹微笑。

 to be born is to die-until then...

各種形式、各種層次的愛生，

以及各種狀態的死亡消散，

我們穿梭其間，什麼都留不住，

但也什麼都留下了。